Lie down, try not to cry. Cry a lot.

  Just another post writed in sadness. Again atmosphere, again with death in the background. It's terrible, i had to write something like "sun is shining, everyone's happy, I'm gonna eat some ice cream." Life is too brutal, too sad, to realistic. And I'm too emotional. For living. It's terrible, I'm experiencing the death of strangers. Presons important in my life,  they're changing my worldwiev. Yeah, this moment, when my authorities are largely junkies. But not at all, I'm not judging people by their addicts. "If you don't do drugs, you probably have another addiction. Even innocent."
Back to the theme.
So, I have just sat with laptop and suddenly I saw something like this on Wikipedia's news :
At the age of 74 years died of Ray Manzarek - co-founder and keyboardist of the American rock band The Doors.
My first reaction- Wut? The second was so much easier:

The Doors are one of the most inspiring bands in my life. What a diffrent- the same doesn't existing band with or without keyboardist? Nevermind, just another senseless thoughts. Light the Fire. For Ray.

Don't walk away in silence.

Another post wit my thoughts about 'those who have gone too soon',
I wrote 'late post about Cobain', so now it's time for early post with Ian Curtis. 18 May is an anniversary of his suicide... So, here's the early post. I wanted to write this in weekend, but there was no time or anything... Wait- there was the atmosphere. Yeah, atmosphere. I watched Control film on Thursday. And I saw this film about ten times. It's really amazing. With turning into gloom. Just sad, depressing, inspiring. For the first time when I was watching it I was crying. And at the second time too, maybe also third. Later, I was just shocked. This terrible kind of 'looking into the wall'. And there's nothing, what I can do. Everything walked away. And won't come back. Never.
Back to the Control. Just story. Just a biography about men, who lost his place in the universe. Who Lost Control. A story with love in the background. Background? This is Joy Division, I knew, how the film will end. Love Will Tear Us Apart. And it's one of reasons, which I'm crying now. Yeah, when I wrote post that, I was crying. Just because of sadness of this situation. Of mistakes in life, his life. Of men, who walked away in silence. Of love, which has lost Control. Just another confirmation of  "Love is destructive'.
It's 33 years, since he walked away in silence. I'm still quotating the Atmosphere song. It was a soundtrack at the end of Control. Sorry, it's a such amazing movie...

Łooho, to ja się jeszcze na koniec wysłowię się In Polish. Mam problemy z wyrażaniem siebie w języku ojczystym, dlatego tym bardziej przepraszam za wszelkie błędy, jakie tutaj czynię. Ciężko mi nawet poukładać spójnie myśli. Z resztą, czego się spodziewać po zadaniu domowym na poziomie gimnazjum...

Melancholy and rain on the cemantary.

Just something short with vanishing in theme (oh, special thanks to my lovely google translate, without you I'm nothing). I was on a funreral today. How my mother said: "It was a very cool funeral". Very cameral, who wants more. I didn't cry. It was a funeral of my aunt (?- 90 years old aunt, nice when my grandma is 20 years younger). Last time I saw her few years ago. It's sad, I knew that I have to meet her in this year. "Next week". Such a lazy. So I met her. In her coffin. Always something...
Yeah, my humor. I'm not always sarcastic, today was melancholy in me. I'm not accustomed to it. I can feel sorry for myself for all my life, but sometimes... What else could I say? Just live in the moment, don't think about future, don't live in past. Be yourself.

This song were in my head for whole day. On the cementary I was hearing it in my head. This song with rain is really amazing. Rain until funeral is still one of the most trite motives. So it came ;__;

Stupid Teenager's Post

 It's end of creativity, energy and happiness. I'm so tired, I have to improve my grades. Learn something before the Holidays... But I just wanna sleep. Yeah, it's storm behind the window, bolts are everywhere- using Internet is a great idea, right? God save the lightning rods!
I just want to lay... wherever... Just me, some music, possibly my guitar. And some paper with fineliners. Some books. Who I'm cheating, I can't live in inaction. To much things to do, not enough time. But maybe just one day of a rest?
I have too clean my room too...
I'm hungry. Fridge is empty. Shop is about 15 metres behind my flat. So I'll be hungry. Yeah, I'm too lazy. Just few hours, it can't last forever...

Sound of silence.

 I was talking about self- expression, right? So I'll continue.
I'm a very creative person. In the night. When I'm tired, when I can't to move my fingers- there's something in my head, like 'Oh, I have a great idea'. I hate it, but it's the only time, when I wanna do something. I'm a bit lazy.
I usually know, that I'll fall asleep few hours before going to bed. So I'm trying to sleep. With some 'quite' music, calm colours. But I know, that it won't work. So I'm just laying. And also thinking. About my creativity. ^^
Moment like this:
It's 1 A.M. And what? Let's draw something! Let's finally lern to play Stairway! Let's write a Stupid Teenager Diary! Let's be an artist!
There's so many things that I wanna do. Only in the night. Darkness is such inspiring...
Is it self-expression? Maybe. I can't concencrete when I'm doing... something. I tried to write about self-expression, but it's a post about my insomnia. Always something...